So last week was just too much. Graduate school is incredibly overwhelming, and I guess the trick is to not believe yourself when you think to yourself, "Fuck, I don't think I can DO this." It's hard to think about not being able to do something even if you wanted to, but I would say it's almost all in your head. If you don't get it as fast as the other kids, study harder. If it's easier for you than for most others, then be totally stoked that it's working out for you.
But it's getting better, I think. I think the next few weeks/months, I'll start getting settled into my new routine. The reading workload is fine; I'm not too bogged down by it. It gives me something to do on weekend afternoons, when I'm usually restless and bored. Also, I am pretty sure I can rework papers as much as possible if I get started on them soon enough, so that's all right. I really think the department and the professors are on my side. I have to present a paper too, but it'll be my first time doing that in years, so if I practice and practice and then still fuck it up, I won't get down on myself too bad. I guess that's all there is to it.
On a semi-related note, it's been awesome for bike-riding these days. Bicycle is how I get to school since paying for parking passes that don't even guarantee a spot totally sucks. Fall is setting in, and couldn't be happier. It's beautiful outside.
I ought to get back to a UCC church this weekend, too; it's been too long. I miss you, Jebus!
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